Retirement Speech

Disclaimer: If you dont give a crap about me or my poker escapades, please move along....you'll read yourself to sleep. Because really this thread is more self-fulfilling than anything.....but I wanted to write it to clear my mind and know that I'm making a sound decision.

I guess first and foremost, I'm not quitting poker. I love the game and love the fact that there is so much to learn and constantly adjust to make yourself a successful player. I have never been a very avid online player.....I would play because I'm an action junkie. It nowhere compares to the live game for me.....I love shuffling chips and handling cards and the person to person interaction of live play.

But recently, I have been intrigued by online, and really have tried to accept it as a new challenge. Dont get me wrong, I have WORLDS to learn in the live game, but I have always been able to feel like I was under control in the live tables I played at.....whereas when I play in the online world, I feel inferior or nitty or whatever..... I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I've played with players of a higher skill level online than I have live. There's also a lot more donkeys out there online too....but I digress.

So lately, I've run through many sessions with Scott, and I feel like he helped my game immensely! He always said it was mutual, but I feel like his online game is way better than mine....so I'm not quite sure what I was "helping" him with, but I guess that is neither here nor there. I consider myself a very good reader and I feel like I possess very good tournament strategy and think my way through a tourney pretty well....so maybe I was helping there....who knows? But my point is that after playing with Scott and picking his brain, I decided to give it a fair run with true bankroll management since I had an actual online bankroll where I could play a little bit.

What actually happened, was that I managed to lose the maximum for a day for 5 consecutive days....and I freaked out and lost all bankroll management concepts. I didnt think I played bad at all......I guess I'm supposed to say that variance sucks, right? I'm not gonna turn this into a big ole whine post......but I swear in those 5 days, I wanted to go run in traffic....I couldnt dodge the 3 outers....my overpairs were getting run down by underpairs, etc. I was losing it.

Well tonight, I lost it. I had been playing the $10 rebuy tourney on FTP consistantly, because I felt that it was +EV for me. The stack sizes were huge and the levels were slow....not to mention a quarter of the field didnt even make it through the rebuy period. I had played pretty well in this for about a week straight only to run into some ridiculous coolers and finish near the bubble almost like clockwork. Tonight, I had about 25BB with 80 players left.....I raised on the button with QQ....guy with 16BB shoves back, I call, and he has aces. Coolered. Few hands later, I have JJ....shove in my 8BB....same guy shoves over top to isolate...he has 99.....flops a set and just like that I'm done. I know.....this happens to everyone. I'm not whining.....but this one put me over the edge.

So..........and I'm a little embarrased to say this.....but I said, "OK......screw any kind of bankroll management....I'm playing the biggest SNg I can afford, and win or lose, I'm done. If I lose, I lose. If I win, I'm cashing out and banning myself from the site" So that's what I did. I couldnt find a $150 SNG, so I played a $50 and a $100.

I finished 9th in the $50 when I got it in with QQ...and lost to AK. But......I did manage to make my last online game a good one. I won the $100 SNG.....and gave a primal yell like I just won the WSOP main event. I played against some players with GREAT numbers and won. It had been awhile since I felt like I accomplished something and was rewarded for playing well. So......the cashout is in process, and I'm going to ban myself. No more online for me. It's not much money, but we're freakin broke right now with the move, so it will help.

I guess...overall, I'm really envious of those of you that can exercise good bankroll management and stick it out even when things are looking in the dumps. The ability to lower your stakes if need be and stay with it is really a skill in itself. I wager on sports, and have done that for even longer than I've played poker. Bankroll management is just as important in that as poker....and I've never been able to do it in sports either.....and that has always prevented me from winning money at that too. I mean....I do OK, but overall it is probably a losing proposition because I dont do it correctly. You see......I've gambled for my entire adulthood. And, I dont consider it a "problem"....Never in my life have I gambled money I didnt have, or lost money for bills......The only thing that has been a problem is the fact that due to my nature (I take winning and losing WAY too seriously) I have a bad temper and I look like an idiot sometimes. Stacey hates the way I act, and I do too, and I have promised her that I'm going to work on it. But my point is.....when you have gambled for so long, sometimes to get the rush.....you simply cant bet $5.00 or play a $5.00 tournament...even if that is all your bankroll will allow. I dont take it seriously. And that is not good. So I've always chalked up sports betting and poker as entertainment...because I've never been able to be disciplined enough to be a "professional"....and I dont mean play like one. I mean use your money in a professional manner.

So........I've decided to not mess with online with the exception of the occasional BadBeats tourney...and it will simply be to goof off with you guys. Because those were fun to me.

I thought long and hard on this, and here are some of the reasons I decided this is best for me:

1.) Online was beginning to take up a lot of my time. I dont want to sit in a chair and play poker all the time.

2.) We just moved to Vegas (the best city in the world!) and we have plenty to see.

3.) I simply like live poker better.

4.) My personality type does not need poker at my fingertips 24/7. I feel I can control myself and my demeanor better with some live play a couple times a week.

5.) Stacey and I both love poker....it's something that we share a love for....and while we get out quite a bit....I think we will both appreciate freeing up a lot more time to hang out and enjoy our new city.

Anyways.........sorry this was so long, but I had to do it for whatever sanity I had left. And Im gonna turn this into my first blog post. And hopefully I'll have more blogs to write as I get out and enjoy Vegas, and play some more live poker. Money is tight as hell right now.....but hopefully that will turn around soon and I'll be able to play a little bit.

If any of you actually made it through this, I'm amazed!!