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Thread: Gender Identity Crisis

  1. #1
    Chipless Wonder's Avatar
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    Exclamation Gender Identity Crisis

    Dearest Dana,

    I don't believe I'm alone in asking you to share your little story with our forum members.

    C'mon gal - stop teasing us!
    Carbon Poker: ChiplessWonder

    My real job: Nuclear thickness gauge sales & service

    "You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve." - Kid Rock

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    I promise, I'll share the tale. It's just too late tonight, but I'll add it in the next couple of days, i swear!

    You're too funny, Mr. Cook!!!
    We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like.
    Jean Cocteau
    French dramatist, director, & poet (1889 - 1963)

  3. #3

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    Caesar's - Random weekend in February

    On February 10th, the Midwest Poker Regional Championship Ladies Event was held at Caesar's Indiana with 116 women of various size, shape, color and age vying for the title.

    As you can imagine, the poker room is filled to capacity because NO woman comes to the poker room without some one to cheer them on. Husbands, boyfriends, girl friends, etc. all fill the cash tables as their loved ones play their hearts out.

    The event starts at noon, and by 2:30 the field has narrowed to 80 - yours truly went out in that general range! I walk off my loss, then decide to earn back my entry fee on the $1/$2 table.

    When I first joined the group, there were 9 men and me. As the afternoon wore on, and my stack got bigger while the men's stacks dwindled.... more and more players were coming in and out of the game. Many more disappointed women tournament players joined in, with tales of woe and bad beats, and a few random menfolk.

    After a few hours, a new player sits down two seats to my left. He was a cherubic looking young man with chubby cheeks, short buzzed hair and glasses. Not a hint of 5 o'clock shadow.... the kid looked 16.

    As typical, when we get a new player (or fresh meat!) I spout out my "welcome" and "good luck".

    Now those of you who have been to Caesar's may notice that as you enter there are two entrances, one for us normal adults and one marked for under 21 years where they card you and stamp your hand. No boozing... but it's okay to bring in your 18 year old hard earned dollars to donate!

    Since the young man just sat down in the big blind to my button, and I planned to attack him viciously and move all of his chips into my stack, I felt the need to be particularly friendly so he wouldn't see it coming. In addition to the usual "hi there, welcome", I decided to tease him a little bit.

    I start out by saying "Welcome, young man! Have a seat." Then follow it up with an "Oh my gawd, how old are you?" "You HAD to have come through the underage line out there."

    He just giggles and says "no, ma'am" and "thank you". What a nice young feller!

    Then he says "I'm 33." To which I just say there is "NO way! Your voice hasn't even changed yet and there's not a hair on your face!"

    He just pleasantly smiles and pulls out his wallet, handing me his North Carolina driver's license.

    As I look for the birthdate on the license, I note that his name is Kelly and by god, he IS 33.

    AND HE'S A SHE!!!!!!!! Big ol' F on that license!!!

    Swear to God..... I'm an idiot.....

    I politely hand the license back and apologize to Kelly for my insensitivity. The drunken woman on my right say's "jeez, why'd you think I was kicking you??"

    "Kickin' me? You never kicked me!"

    She looks down and had been kicking the leg of the table. Then I felt the need to add, "come on, i can't believe I'm the first one to ever make that mistake! Am I, Kelly?"

    "No, ma'am, you're sure not."

    They make 'em awfully polite out there in North Carolina. Different lookin' but nice!

    To make this poker related beyond location, I must report that although I should have felt guilty about my commentary, I did manage to whoop up on the North Carolina gal and quickly reduce her stack down from $300 to a little over $100.

    Then it's her bb, and my button....... limpers, limpers, everywhere.....

    I'm on the button with (one of my buddy Ryan's fave cash hands). I limp too.

    Kelly raises to $12 from the big blind. 4 of us call. There's about $56 in the pot.

    The flop comes Pretty good flop for me, right? Top pair, straight and flush draws.... TONS of outs.

    Kelly is first to act and she goes all in -- $132. Everybody folds to me. I know what I should do and WOULD do in a tournament. Heck, in a tournament I wouldn't have called a raise.

    But, I'm sitting there with a little over $1000 in front of me after buying in for $200. I know what you're thinking.... it still doesn't make it right.

    I really NEED to know if I'm going to hit a str8 flush! So, I apologize to Kelly, saying, "I know you're ahead right now, and but I want say I'm sorry in advance, I'm going to suck out on you --- big." And I call.

    Kelly turns over

    The turn comes See, what did I say.....

    Then comes the river ---- GOTCHA, DANA!!!

    I said "nice hand, Kelly." And deep down, I really meant it too, because I had just PAID for my earlier faux paux.... in diamonds!

    Apparently, my embarrasment and guilt can be eliminated with a cash price of $132!!
    Last edited by ohpokergal; 02-17-2008 at 12:16 PM.
    We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like.
    Jean Cocteau
    French dramatist, director, & poet (1889 - 1963)

  4. #4
    Chipless Wonder's Avatar
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    This is an EXCELLENT story. In fact, this one alone makes the entire message forum worthwhile.
    Carbon Poker: ChiplessWonder

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  5. #5
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    From the description - I would have thought the same thing!

  6. #6
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    Not poker related, but years ago when I worked at Office Depot, I got a call from a woman asking about an printer cartirdge. I asked her, "Ma'am, what type of printer do you have? Ok, it will just be a moment, can I put you on hold?"

    Then I came back to the phone, "Ma'am, are you still there? Okay, yes, we have that cartidge. What's your name so I can put it on hold for you?"

    "Sammy"

    "Sammy? ... [oh shiz] Sammy Sen?"

    "Yeah."

    OOps, I was definitely talking to a GUY from my HS... same year and everything.
    The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

    --Jean Giraudoux (1882 - 1944)

    Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

    --Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

  7. #7
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    This story is freakin hilarious. It was funny the other night during the online tourny and it's a great one to read repeatedly!!!

    I think I can actually picture this "Pat"-like character (anyone remember SNL?) when I was waiting to be seated at the ladies tourny. Because I remember thinking...."Wow that is a really butch looking lady" LOL!!!!

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    awsome story Dana! hilarious

  9. #9
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    Dana, you are way too funny. That's a great story.

    Flopdragon - Flop-drag-on [flop-drag-uh n] -noun 1. a gay poker player of mythical proportions.

  10. #10
    Chipless Wonder's Avatar
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    To the top.
    Carbon Poker: ChiplessWonder

    My real job: Nuclear thickness gauge sales & service

    "You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve." - Kid Rock

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