My Poker Rant

**FrankJones** · 06-13-2009 04:23 AM

Poker rant. (This does not apply to anyone here.) I hate poker players. I despite all of them (except the people here). They are a bunch of 75 IQ degenerate loser donks and I want to punch them all through my monitor.

1) Some loser idiot clown decides to type in the chat box after a hand, “Oh man, I folded ______” on a board where ____ would make a big hand. Yes, you idiot, you stupid moron, you folded _____ because _____ is a SHITTY HAND and it was an easy fold! Do you really need to type in that you folded it? Who cares? You FOLDED!!!!! I mean, one time out of 10,000 when you fold 2 7 offsuit, you would have flopped a boat had you stayed in! BIG ****ING DEAL! SHUT UP!

Or, someone folds TT to an all in, and a short stack calls. The players have 99 and 67 s. The 67 s was short stacked. The flop brings a nine. The idiot who folded TT says, “Whew, glad I folded my TT.” What !??????????? What!????????????????? Are you retarded? You are GLAD YOU FOLDED TT TO 99 ??? WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Or, some idiot has 5 6 offsuit on a board of A K 5 and the turn and river are 6 6. HE says, “Oh man, I folded a boat!”

AAARGh! You are retarded! You did not FOLD a boat! You folded bottom pair! Why are you so stupid!? You should not be allowed to drive a car, vote, or handle money! You are a ****ING MORON! Shut up! No one cares!

2) Some hand happens, such as AK against AA on a board of A 9 5 2 2. Of course I have the AK. Anyway, some idiot NOT in the hand says, “nice hand.” What!???? Huh!?????? Nice hand?? Why? How? It was a basic hand where one person gets crushed and the hand will play out the same way every time. Why the hell would someone NOT in the hand type “nice hand?” He is a moron for thinking it and a 10X moron for ACTUALLY deciding to TYPE it in the chat box! There was no intricate play, no strategy, it was a tough hand and it’s over. SHUT UP!

3) Along those lines, now the winner of the hand says, “Thank you.” AAARGH! I hate you! DIE DIE DIE DIE! What the hell are you THANKING him for? He did not compliment you! He made an idiotic colloquial remark. Why must you compound the folly by saying, “Thank you? You are an idiot! If someone walking by in the evening says in passing, “Nice sunset,” do you say “thank you!??”

4) I am short stacked so I push junk and get called by a “monster” like K9. Now the “expert” who busted me has to ridicule me and my play. “J7!? LOL! HA HA HA! LMAO! J7! Your a moron!”

Ok, buddy, listen up –

a) Yes, Jack 7, are you retarded? Did you not see it the first time? Sorry I wasn’t dealt a monster like your K9. I’ll try harder next time to get a better hand with my short stack

b) When I was in second grade I learned how to spell “you’re.” If you can’t, maybe you should refrain from calling people morons.

c) Really? LOL? LMAO? Are you REALLY laughing audibly? **** you and your degenerate uneducated initialisms such as LOL and LMAO. Learn how to speak English.

d) Maybe you should check the scoreboard before you criticize my play. See, your profit has a DASH in front of it. That means you are NEGATIVE ROI. You are a LOSING PLAYER. Why the HELL would a losing player criticize a winning player? Are people really that dumb? AAAAAAAAARGH!
I love hearing their explanations for why they suck. “I win on other accounts. I win at cash games. BLAH BLAH BLAH.” **** YOU! GO do it then and come back and talk trash. Or, my personal favorite, “I never win because of clowns like you playing garbage and beating me."

Oh, ok, you LOSE because “clowns” like me play bad hands.

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Wow. Please just kill yourself. Your existence puts me on life tilt. Go jump off a plane or something.

I swear I had a lot more but I cannot think of them. /rant